I like to think that I am an optimistic person in life. I was definitely so during college, but about a month ago I was riding in the car with a dear friend and I shared a "philosophy" of mine; "Enjoy the good times and the bad times, because you never know when it will change." And I further explained that while I revel in the good, I always know that there will be at least a hiccup just across the way. Likewise, when the bad feels like it can get worse, know that there will be a time of "up" coming soon! To me, it was an optimistic take...but to her, pessimistic. When I questioned her why she simply stated that she lived more in the moment and didn't worry about the "hiccup" that I do. Back and forth discussion follows, and we agree that my look is more realistic, but I gave in as well as saying there may be some pessimism involved. I say all this to say I have tried to take the pessimism out! This is much easier in the comforts of your "known" environment.
While I have painted a true picture of my visit to Beijing, I have been hiding a little of my pessimism. To be perfectly honest my accommodations are not as great as I thought they would be. However, tonight I was reminded of a thought I had when I found out I was moving to China. My though was that I would be living in an Ex-Pat community surrounded by other international folks, not really the Chinese. I can remember thinking, and I may have even stated this to mom, "If I'm in an area of other internationals, will I really experience China?" As I found out when the driver dropped me off from the airport, this was definitely not the case. I am in a community of Chinese; and I think I may be the only non-native around. (You can imagine my commute to work-everyone pretty much stops and watches me pass by!) It was extremely uncomfortable for the first 24 hours, maybe even 48, but each day that passes it gets better. In fact today, I walked to work alone (Jenny and I had been walking together because she, too, lives in the community), which was the first time I had done so. It was a sense of accomplishment that I didn't need that crutch, I could do it. Tonight, dinner was provided by WAB at a restaurant close to where all the new staff/teachers live (of course me not included), so I rode over with the AD and the HR director. It was literally a 15-20 minute drive from the campus to dinner. Right then I realized that where I lived wasn't so bad. Yeah, it isn't my house out on Lake Robinson or my mom and dads house in Hartsville, but it is close to work, I have my own room, we do have air conditioning, and I don't have to take the bus, subway or taxi to and from work everyday. I also realized that there are some folks that live near by as well. So I got an eye-opener tonight and a slap in the face, in fact I guess "I'm eating crow." As I sit in my room tonight, I actually realize I was looking at things negatively, and I am now going to change that. I was actually asked to be dropped off at the gate tonight rather than being driven in to the community so that I would have to walk the community at night. I realize there is no reason to fret here, it is a quaint little "town" of people, most of whom are older so why worry? or fear? Now, that's not to say I'm not cautious, I still am aware of my surroundings, but now I am more accepting. I think this is common, I mean I have never been to Asia so of course it isn't what I'm used to.
Now for the most frustrating thing of all...the language barrier! I feel like a child that just can't figure out the puzzle and is getting frustrated and just wants to throw a temper-tantrum. I so badly just want to understand and speak! It is almost infuriating. I will say this though; through learning Chinese, I have realized just how much Spanish I knew-and it's more than I thought! I find that while learning new phrases I immediately think "what is it in spanish?" This has been hard for me to stop, so I have embraced it, and am re-remembering my spanish as well! (I am sure you love that Cathy!) I plan to be fluent enough to get around here and bargain in the markets by December, and I plan to be fluent enough to understand the jokes by June!
Enough ramblings for tonight. I know I sounded down, but it was actually a great day- a day of true understanding and enlightenment; new friends and of course good food!
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