Hmmm?!?!

"Today is brought to you by the word Predicament!"

I am in one right now...I like to think that I am a nice guy.  I mean, people generally like me, and those that don't, well there must be something wrong with them!  (Right?)  

Today started of nicely-I woke up late, lounged a bit, took the bus to the mall, met up with the other new folks, had dinner then headed back to apartment.  What I haven't mentioned is that my roommate's girlfriend came in from Jakarta a couple nights ago.  She is as sweet as tea and she and my roommate actually look good together.  

So what's the predicament?  The title of this post should be "True Chinese Culture," because this is exactly what I am getting a taste of.  Roommate is Chinese, but girlfriend is Taiwanese.  What I have come to understand, is that the Chinese very much want their children to marry within the village they come from...and definitely not marry outside of China.  So, while at dinner my phone is blowing up with calls and texts from both parties stating that my roommates parents are in my apartment and won't leave.  Both are asking me that when I come to prove I live there and ask them to leave.  One problem, I don't speak Chinese (yet)!  So, reluctantly I agree that I will try to help, but will only do so to a certain point.  I get home and as I open the door mom is sitting leaning against the door; she practically falls backwards.  I walk in and set my things down and ask my roommate what is going on.  He tells me the whole situation again.  Because the family doesn't speak English, we are talking in front of them.  So I tell my roommate to basically tell them what he wants and to tell me what he wants me to say/do to get them to leave.  This is where the culture comes in...He can't do it!  Out of respect for his parents and family, he just can't put his foot down.  I sympathize with this guy so badly!  I feel for him that he is in this situation. 

Basically he asks me to get stern with them.  So, reluctantly I do.  I open the door, grab moms purse (which is on the other side of the room) and place it outside in the stairwell.  I also walk to where I put my umbrella and grab it and offer it to the family and sternly say "Get out!"  They got the point, but didn't leave.  Multiple times of this doesn't work.  {Sidebar-tempers aren't flaring, it is all relatively calm.  My roommate isn't really saying much and mom and aunt really don't understand anything I say.}  Mom then looks at me and says, in Chinese, "This is my son, and her nephew! I am his mother! You can't treat me this way!"  (Oddly enough, I actually partially understood exactly what she was saying!)  Can you even imagine the pain I felt at that statement?!  To be outright cold-blooded like that is just not me, and it truly broke my heart to hear her say that.  Anyway, she stayed in her seat, staunch, and was speaking.  I asked my roommate to translate, "Foreigners are so rude and mean!"  Ouch!  I asked my roommate what next?  He stated that he then wanted them to stay the night.  By this time, I really don't care what they do, but I know that the best thing is for the family to leave, cool off and discuss later.  I begin to tell my roommate that they really do need to leave or we will have to get authorities involved.  He says no because it is his family, but I say "well at some point you have to grow up!  The good thing about (most) mom's are, they love you unconditionally.  She will come around."

So by now it is 11 pm, and I have to be at work by 8 am-we are getting no where.  My roommate convinces me that it is okay, that I should go to bed.  Reluctantly I agree and close myself up in my room.  I come into my room and begin to think about what to write tonight, and actually hate to write someone else's business, but there is some learning to be done here.  So since being in here and creating this post, my roommate is texting me that he is sorry, and that it will all be taken care of.  I reply with "You do realize this was all just an act? You asked me to do that?"  He agreed and said he owed me a nice meal (not noodles) for my support.  

So the lesson learned, don't get involved in a Chinese family dispute (or any family for that matter); and although it is very important to have respect for family, but it is also important to respect yourself.  Parents, while we love you and know that you love us, please let us live!  Let us make mistakes!  Let us  be happy, so long as it doesn't hurt someone else.  I realize that is hard to do, it is hard to not cushion the fall, but sometimes the fall has to hurt to learn the lesson.  For those of us who are followers (of Christ), He only gives us as much as we can handle.  Take solace in knowing that the hardest of hard times proves that God's hand is upon everything.  When all else fails, thank Him you are not Job!

This was a completely random post tonight, and I am sorry if any of it was/is offensive, but I hope there is something there to take away.  I hope all goes well with my roommate, I have decided to refrain from any further discussion tonight, but it will not duplicate itself again tomorrow evening.  

Good night from Beijing!